Someone Like You
by darthvair65
Summary: As far as Roxas is concerned he and Axel would make a perfect couple – too bad Axel isn't sure about that. - charity fic for Japan; contains some dark material, sexual references and language - and a whole lot of dorkiness.


Title: Someone Like You  
>Pairing: RoxasAxel

Warnings: ** Boys being dorks, strong language, a dirty text message, some dark material later on, brief mentions of sex.**  
>Rating: <strong>T<strong>  
>Beta: the BetaMistress alovelysilence<br>A/N: For roterstern, who requested this for fandomaid. I tried to keep this as light as possible while also keeping the slightly darker things later. That part might be a little darker than I anticipated – it's based on a true story, something my family lives with every day, but hopefully it doesn't overshadow anything.  
>Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but I do get a kick out of writing for the fandom. Also the title is taken from the song "Someone Like You" by the band Safety Suit.<p>

**Summary: **As far as Roxas is concerned he and Axel would make a perfect couple – too bad Axel isn't sure about that.

To all who had known him through college and graduate school, Roxas was the kind of person who got exactly what he wanted – and not just because it simply fell into his lap. He worked and persevered towards each new goal, and never seemed to want for anything because of it. When he saw something good he stuck with it – but he'd never felt the same way about someone he was dating. Though with a new job in the accounting department of a larger company in Minnesota and an already somewhat jaded outlook, Roxas decided that maybe it was time to start over. When he walked in and met with his new boss and moved into his cubicle, he embraced the idea of a new beginning as well as the determination to look for _someone _different. And this is where Roxas met Axel.

By the time they met, they had actually been working together for a few months – but Roxas had seen Axel , a PR consultant, briefly over the few months he'd been at the company . The first time Roxas saw him he nearly walked into a pillar; the man was fucking _gorgeous, _all long lines and sharp angles, perfectly tailored pants and a crisp dark green shirt, and – were those _tattoos _on his face? And he worked in _PR_?

Then the man was gone, leaving Roxas with the sneaking suspicion that he'd been having a walking daydream – and life continued as usual.

When he saw him again in line at a coffee shop, Roxas realized two things: first, that he definitely hadn't made him up; and second, that he wanted him.

So he did a little digging around the office, found out the man's name and _yes those are real tattoos_ and _no I don't think he's seeing anyone._ Of course, the female coworker who provided this information sounded so dejected and annoyed about the latter that Roxas was about 98% sure she had attempted to ask the man out with negative consequences.

But Axel seemed to be a busy man and their departments didn't usually intermingle since the company was so large – so Roxas was stuck _imagining_ an introduction, though those daydreams usually ended with him sweeping Axel off his feet. His luck finally changed when one of the higher-ups at their company decided his employees need a good team-building exercise, and subsequently matched up members of different departments in teams for a massive laser tag game.

Roxas arrived at the laser tag venue all in black, a black headband in his pocket, and walked into a sea of newbies. He stared around at the coworkers who had already showed up – some were in black like he was, but many were in jeans and regular T-shirts. Four years of Saturdays spent playing laser tag with his friends had taught Roxas well. He chuckled weakly to himself and hoped his partner was less of a newb.

In a fit of attempted cleverness their manager had only given one of the team members the name of their corresponding partner, and Roxas had drawn the short straw with no name or anything else to go on. He went to go put his coat away in the lockers, and returned just as Axel strode in purposefully. His long red hair pulled back with dark aviators pushed up off his face, dressed in all black – and yes, those were black stripes painted under his eyes and across his cheekbones, obscuring his tattoos. He too surveyed the crowd that had gathered, waiting for the game to begin, with a very disappointed expression. When his eyes fell on Roxas and his almost identical attire, his face lit up and Axel made a b-line for him.

"Please tell me your name is Roxas," he said pleadingly when he finally got there; his hands were clasped together as if praying.

"Yup," Roxas said, just barely covering up internal shout of _SCORE!_ that resounded through his mind. "The one and only."

"I kind of figured – they didn't even give me a last name or anything, it was just 'Roxas' so I guess it's distinctive enough. Not like 'Amy', or 'Joe', I think we've got like ten of those. I like that. I'm Axel, by the way," he said brightly, offering his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you," Roxas grinned, shaking the proffered hand. Up close, he was even more gorgeous – something he wasn't sure was possible – and his voice was something else entirely, Roxas was just fine with him being the talkative sort. He immediately got the feeling that he could probably listen to Axel read the telephone book and remain transfixed by his voice and the way his lips moved around words, especially Roxas' name. "And, you know, 'Axel' is pretty distinctive too."

"I like it that way."

Roxas chuckled at that. "I see _you're _no newb."

"Hell no," Axel said emphatically. "I don't know where they got these kids. Don't they know that white is the worst color to wear?"

"Apparently not. Looks like we might clean up."

"I believe you might be right. Got your codename?"

"Deadpool."

"Well I usually go by Pyro in these situations, think we can be X-Men nerds together?"

"I certainly think so," Roxas said very happily, because for a company outing this was turning out to be very, very awesome.

After they put their names in and received the tags they'd put in their laser guns, Axel pulled him aside. "I think we should talk strategy," he said as he leaned in, suddenly deadly serious.

"Right," Roxas nodded. Laser tag was serious business. "These are all newbs. We go in aggressively, take the upper floor and hold it – we can duck-hunt from there."

"I like how you think." Then Axel raised a fist and Roxas bumped it with his own.

One of the employees at the venue eventually called everyone into the black-lit briefing room and went over all the rules for this particular game. While most of Axel and Roxas' coworkers were realizing the problem with wearing white and other bright colors to play laser tag, a certain team tried to keep their composure while snickering evilly. Once that was finished they were sent out to pull their over-the-shoulder sensor packs from the next room, which was dark but eerily lit by neon shapes. Roxas pulled his own on and tugged the laser gun from its holster at his side, applying the tag so it could read his codename. Once it read 'Deadpool' back at him, he turned to Axel. "Ready?"

"As ever," Axel responded as the minute-long countdown for the start of the game began.

"Make for the top floor," Roxas said, pulling his laser gun out of its holster.

Axel pushed his aviators down over his eyes, giving him a thumbs-up and a crooked grin. "Lock and load, baby."

Both of them darted around their other coworkers and dove into the theatrical mist, searching for the stairs to the upper balcony. As the game started one of the employees turned on music, something with an electronic feel and a thumping bass. Once they found their ideal location Axel set himself up as their sniper, while Roxas positioned himself as Axel's cover and keeping an eye out for anyone else's blinking red sensor packs. The next time he looked down at his laser gun, his number 3 rank blinked at him.

"Are you number one or two?" Roxas shouted over the bass, crouching behind Axel.

Axel glanced down briefly. "Two," he said. "Based on the enraged screaming coming from the other side of the complex, I'd say we've got competition."

"You mean one of those newbs actually isn't?" Roxas asked incredulously, catching another player's shoulder sensor and chuckling at the following curse. "Color me surprised."

Minutes later the countdown beeping started again, calling all the players back to the main room.

Within ten minutes they learned that the newb-that-wasn't was actually their boss, though he only beat them by a few extra hits. Within twenty there was talk of another round, but Roxas asked Axel if he wanted to go for a beer and some pizza instead – and after Axel's affirmative response they headed out to find such a place.

Over an enormous meat-lovers pizza and their respective beers, Roxas learned a great deal about the redhead – and each new tidbit or story made his interest in him grow. Axel was raised Episcopalian, but they weren't particularly active and he didn't feel the need to belong to any church; he liked zombie films and was a casual gamer currently embroiled in Dead Space 2; before Real Life started interfering he'd been a regular attendee of conventions; he had a very broad memory for little facts and trivia; the facial tattoos were a dare on his eighteenth birthday; he'd studied Communications close to New York City, and got his Masters there too.

"You have a girlfriend?" Roxas prompted after spilling some of his own information.

Axel made a sound that resembled a _snerk_. "Um. No."

Roxas' grin widened, and he took another sip of his beer. "Boyfriend?"

The redhead shrugged, a small smile creeping on his face. "I'm not particularly in the market right now."

Roxas deflated slightly, allowing himself a pout. "That's too bad."

"I'm out, don't get me wrong," Axel said, "mostly to my friends and family. I'm not really ready for a relationship right now."

Roxas nodded, wondering what Axel would think about casual, friendly dating with the eventual possibility of a relationship later.

"So, ah. When did you realize that you were gay?" Axel asked curiously.

Roxas laughed. "Kind of a funny story, really. I was watching _The Mummy_ with my friends – you know, the one with Rachel Weitz and Brendan Fraiser – and all of them were going ga-ga over Evie. I didn't think she was that attractive. But when Oded Fehr came on the screen," Roxas said with relish, "I thought I was having a heart attack."

Axel snorted before bursting into laughter. "What about Brendan Fraiser?"

Roxas shook his head avidly. "No way, he was too cookie-cutter for me. Oded Fehr was gorgeous and different. I wanted to learn Arabic so badly."

"Did you take it in college?"

Roxas waved his hand in dismissal. "I saved my allowance for months and used my Christmas money to buy a Rosetta Stone pack. But when I got to college, I almost left my accounting school and switched into one with Middle-Eastern Studies." After taking a bite of his food, he posed the same question to Axel. "What about you?"

"My brother. He was trying to be a wise-ass and thought he was renting heterosexual nurse porn. Instead he got this really explicit gay porno, and was so pissed off. I stole it out of his room and watched it though. For a long time I'd been thinking I was different, though, so that was just more confirmation. Mine wasn't nearly as funny as yours, but at least it wasn't a disaster."

"Nope, they could always be worse – now actually coming out was a totally different story, _that _was a horror show. And speaking of horror shows, I know you like them but I'm noticing this has been quite the opposite," Roxas said slyly.

"I'll drink to that," Axel smirked.

"So listen," Roxas said, putting his beer down and folding his arms on the table.

"Mm?" Axel hummed, taking another sip of his.

"I know you said you weren't interested in a relationship," Roxas started. "But I'm interested in you and I'd like to get to know you more, so I'm going to ask you out," he continued, watching Axel's eyes widen just slightly and pause with the bottle to his lips. "But I don't take rejection very well, so I'd like to know what you'll say – we can just date casually and see where it takes us."

Axel slowly put the bottle down, looking down and licking his lips. "Ah. Roxas, I don't think that's such a good idea."

Roxas blinked. "Why not?"

The redhead leaned back against the back of their wooden booth, sighing. "One of several reasons: because we work together," he offered. "And I don't think you really want to go there explaining that to management, they're a bunch of hard asses."

"We work in two completely different departments," Roxas countered. "It's not like we're going to be having an illicit office romance or anything. I think I saw you maybe three times when I first got here, so I don't think they have anything to get angry about."

"Roxas, I like you – please don't get me wrong, but I think it would be better for both of us if we just stay friends."

There was something else he wasn't saying, Roxas thought. But now wasn't the time to interrogate him. "Will you give me a chance? If things don't work out, then I will be happy as a fucking clam to be your friend. But if we both like each other, why not at least give this a try?"

Axel's mouth twisted as he considered, leaving Roxas more curious than before about why he was so reluctant. Finally-

"Ok."

Roxas swore he felt his grin stretch to both of his ears before Axel spoke again.

"On one condition."

"And that is?"

"You must withstand the ultimate test and watch _Night of the Living Dead._ If you pass, we'll go on a date next week or whenever we're both available."

Gore aficionado or not, Roxas wasn't going to give this chance up. "You're on."

0o0

Roxas did make it through _Night of the Living Dead_, but mostly by singing improvised show tunes over the screams – _"The hills are aliiiiiiveeee with the sound of deeeeaaaaattthhhhh!"_ – but Axel thought his coping process was pretty funny anyway – not to mention he had a really nice voice, always a plus. With Roxas' triumph not minutes behind they decided to go out for dinner and drinks again the following week. One date led to another led to another, and Roxas thought this was going, in a single word, _perfectly. _He and Axel got along so well and their personalities meshed like nothing else. He eventually broke through Axel's hesitancy after a movie one night; over the last few weeks they'd shared several more chaste kisses, and Roxas wanted a bit more. So he tried something new and deepened the kiss, much to Axel's surprise. The newer kisses usually ended with Axel pulling away first, smiling indulgently and that was usually it for the night until one of them left for home.

Roxas kind of figured this was where the lines blurred, where 'casual dating' became 'relationship' – but he couldn't see how Axel would possibly say they weren't seriously into each other when, clearly, they were.

Then Roxas' hand strayed during a kiss, just a soft press up near the top of Axel's thigh, and the veneer was gone. Axel pushed his hand away and sat back, looking down at his knees. "I don't think we should do this anymore."

"Wha – why not?" Roxas sputtered. Why was he saying that?

"Because you're getting too serious about this!" Axel responded hotly, sounding just as frustrated as Roxas felt. "I told you, I can't deal with a serious relationship right now."

"What are you afraid of?" Roxas asked, mouth set in a firm line.

"Your expectations," Axel responded quietly.

"For our relationship? "

"No," Axel said, sounding tired. "Of me," he continued, rubbing his temples.

"I don't understand."

"If this keeps going, one day you're going to turn to me and say 'Axel, I think it's time we had sex' – and that isn't something I want, alright?" Axel hissed, taking Roxas completely off-guard.

"Wait. What?"

"I'm not," Axel paused, running his fingers though his hair agitatedly. "Sex isn't…something I'm really comfortable with. Like, at all. Sorry if I've misled you."

"As in… _at all_? Is it me?"

"What? No! God, no."

"Please don't say 'it's not you, it's me,'" Roxas whispered.

"But it is," Axel insisted. "I'm seeing a therapist, but I don't know if it'll help."

Roxas' mouth gaped like he was trying to think of what to say. "But," he stuttered. "You're. You're sex on legs."

Axel's smile was almost a wince. "You're not so bad yourself."

The blond stared at him, pursing his lips. "I. Are you a virgin?"

"No, I'm not – but that's not what this is about."

"You've had sex that was so bad it's put you off it forever?"

"Roxas."

"It's a perfectly legitimate question!"

"One that I'm going to ignore," Axel grumbled.

Roxas chewed his lip, trying to think through this. "Were you top or bottom?"

"I was the one getting fucked, if that's what you're asking."

"Well if that was a bad experience, did you try topping?"

"That was even worse," Axel said frankly.

"So you don't. No sex."

"No," Axel said. "You're taking this rather hard."

Roxas paused, digesting this new information. "Axel, we're in a relationship – most people have sex when they're in a relationship."

"Yeah, I know, I know," Axel said hastily. "Look. I'm sorry – this is why I was so hesitant about dating, because I had a feeling I'd like you and it would get too serious. I should have said something. I'm just not interested in sex – I like you though. I really do, and don't want _this _to end, but it's ok. I don't want you to be deprived of something you enjoy just because I'm a little weird."

Roxas nodded numbly. This was something to think about.

The blond went home that night feeling agitated and confused. He and Axel didn't get together for another two weeks.

0o0

Long before that though, Roxas realized he'd been a complete idiot and had possibly ruined something amazing. The initial response of 'so he's asking me to abandon sex in order to be with him, what the hell' was almost immediately replaced by an intensely sickening sensation Roxas came to associate with shame. He still felt a little justified in his response to Axel's confessions, because if Roxas was truly honest, he'd been fantasizing about having sex with the other man since they'd started dating – and to hear that Axel wasn't on the same page was a bit disconcerting. But the shame mostly centered on his initial thoughts; was he really that shallow, to immediately think of _his _sex life rather than the close relationship he and the redhead had developed over the last month? Did he really have to think about which one he'd rather give up?

After a week and a half of unreturned phone calls to Axel's apartment and several unhelpful visits to the PR department Roxas decided he'd simply go to Axel himself. Once he was finished work on Friday he headed over to the video rental place and picked up a few movies before heading over to the redhead's apartment across town. If anything, he told himself, we might still be friends – but even that sounded hollow to him now. Roxas knocked on Axel's door, praying to whatever deity was listening that the redhead was home. At first he didn't hear anything, but within moments he should hear shuffling from behind the door.

"Just a minute," he heard Axel call. The footsteps got closer, until he could see the shadows made by Axel's feet just under the door.

Roxas felt his heart seize up just as the door started to open, and Axel appeared instead. "Hey," he said, offering a smile.

"Hi," Axel responded after a second, still utterly flabbergasted by Roxas' appearance at his door.

"I brought some movies," Roxas offered, holding them up – his best educated guesses at picking zombie horror movies according to Axel's taste.

Axel stepped aside to let him in. "Didn't think you'd be back," he commented lightly.

Roxas put the movies down on the counter in Axel's kitchen. "I'm sorry. I was an asshole."

"You wouldn't have been the first," Axel said.

"But I'm not one of them," Roxas said as he turned back towards him. "And they don't know what they're missing."

"Uh, yeah, pretty sure they did – sex."

"Well screw that. If I'm going to be in a relationship with anyone it's going to be you, not your dick."

Axel snorted, then started laughing – bending over and holding his stomach as he chuckled. "I'm sorry," he wheezed, waving a worried Roxas away. "That image was just hilarious." Then he straightened, taking a deep breath; his face was red, but he was smiling in a way that just made his eyes light up. "You sure this is what you want?"

"Yeah. I don't think a relationship should hinder on sex – and I'm interested in you, so why don't we see how this works when you're done laughing at me."

"Consider it done," Axel said, putting an arm around Roxas' shoulder. "You're on my shit list for a little bit, though. You're lucky I have a soft spot for diminutive blond assholes."

"If I make that mistake again, I'll let myself out," Roxas said seriously.

"And I'd really rather not see that day," Axel murmured. "Now I don't want you to feel like I'm teasing you or anything, but I do kind of like kissing you."

"I better put my mouth to good use then," Roxas grinned, pulling the redhead down to seal their lips together.

0o0

They'd been dating for a several months when tight finances and a sudden brilliant idea found them moving into an apartment together; the rent was so significantly lower than their combined places, and they each had their own room, so it seemed like an ideal situation. The transition went smoothly, and Roxas found that living with Axel was more fun; the redhead sang horribly in the shower and was equally open to culinary experimentation as Roxas was. All in all he was pretty happy with how things were turning out.

However this was also the part of their relationship Roxas wished he could skip more than anything – the point after the initial get-to-know-you and stabilization, but before things get too serious, when all Roxas would like to do is get his partner naked. But with Axel shying away from sex, Roxas forced all of that lust away. The last thing he wanted was for Axel to get uncomfortable around him – he liked the level of comfort they had around each other and didn't want to trade it for anything.

Axel, of course, could unwittingly make things difficult for him once in a while. One morning the redhead went in to take a shower; he came out again afterwards to search for a shirt and Roxas, who had been slicing tomatoes for breakfast, almost sliced his finger off. How sexy could a person's back be? Roxas had never really been particularly turned on by the sight of someone's back, but apparently there was a first time for everything. Axel was already long and lean, that Roxas knew very well, but now he figured he knew what pure, divine symmetry looked like. He was thinly muscled over his shoulders and back, and Roxas found his eyes following his backbone, taking in the curves there and doing his best to ignore the countless droplets of water still sliding down his skin. Then Roxas saw a brief glimpse of the tattoo right below the base of his neck, two sets of initials, but the only one he could make out was an 'X.' But by the time he realized this Axel was pulling a shirt on and he had the beginnings of an erection, which made him feel even more pathetic – who got hard just from seeing someone's, albeit a very sexy someone's, back?

Sometimes when Axel got bored of a game he'd play upside-down on the couch, his bare feet hanging over the top of the furniture, head hanging down closer to the ground, and his shirt riding up his stomach as he played. Other times he and Axel bickered over food, especially from the Thai takeout place down the street, and Axel ended up leaning over him, trying to get the curry Roxas held out of reach and inevitably falling across his lap. But somehow they managed, and spent many a night curled up on the couch while Axel tried to get Roxas to at least play Resident Evil – and overall, they were pretty happy.

Some of Roxas' friends – or ex-friends, as they soon discovered – were a bit more than incredulous about their relationship. Some wondered out loud how long Roxas would go before he cracked, while others openly derided his decision to stay in an ultimately sexless relationship. Roxas was getting tired of hearing it from them, and quickly lost his patience to even be around them.

However one of his more supportive friends, Hayner, often punched said people in his defense. Hayner remained adamant that he'd have to meet the redhead at some point, and invited him and Axel out for a few beers at one of their favorite bars. Axel said he'd think about it, since he was a bit overwhelmed with work at the moment.

Roxas went to go take a shower before going out with Hayner, putting his head right under the hot spray. What he didn't see was his phone buzzing out on the kitchen counter with a new text message; Axel, pouring himself a drink not a foot away, was surprised by the noise and looked over just on instinct.

_Hey R, u still w/ the abstinence freak? If the blue balls get 2 b too much & u want some ass, u know who to call :*_

Axel frowned and sat down on the couch to watch tv, the frown never leaving his face.

When Roxas emerged from the shower, dressed and almost ready to head out, he went into the kitchen to see if Hayner had gotten in touch with him. Upon seeing the message there (from an acquaintance he'd met before starting to date Axel) he had a brief moment of weakness; he hadn't had sex in what felt like forever, and the mentioning of blue balls hit him like a ton of bricks. Here he was, being offered sex from someone who didn't care if he didn't call back in the morning. Furthermore (if he remembered correctly) the guy had a very nice ass and a tongue pierced twice; he moaned like a whore and could take it hard. Given all the tension Roxas had built up being with Axel, a hot hard fuck would probably be most likely. Roxas glanced over at Axel, who was staring hard at the tv and ignoring Roxas' presence, and picked up his phone to type out a reply.

_Yes I am, but I'd rather just look at his ass than try to fuck your loose one any day. Not interested_

Feeling quite satisfied with his rejection, Roxas climbed over the arm of the couch and sat beside Axel. "Sure you don't want to come along? Hayner wants to meet you sometime."

"I wouldn't mind, but I don't want to get in the way of your playdate afterwards," Axel said, shrugging.

"Playdate?" Roxas asked, thoroughly confused.

"The one you were just making," Axel sighed.

Roxas' frown set; he was about to snap back when his phone buzzed again. He looked down at it and laughed bitterly. "Oh, you mean with the pissy little bitch calling me a 'fucking asshole' now?" he asked, showing Axel the very colorful and angry response he received on his phone. "I told him off, Axel. I don't need him fucking propositioning me."

"I'd be ok with it, you know," Axel said, sounding like he was trying to be off-hand about it. "I'm not exactly putting out, so I wouldn't blame you."

"You think I care about that?" Roxas asked, sitting up on his knees and cupping the side of Axel's face, turning it towards him. "I wouldn't trade _this _for anything," he said, kissing Axel soundly. The redhead didn't respond at first, at which point Roxas opened his eyes to see his slightly shell-shocked expression. Smiling inwardly Roxas slid his tongue along the seam of Axel's lips, coaxing him into the kiss. When he pulled away, he found Axel looking at him with an amused raised eyebrow.

"You're fucking weird, you know that?" he said with a small chuckle.

Roxas smacked his arm in response. "But I know what I want, so deal with it. So – are you going to come to the bar with me? Hayner and I like to play the trivia game they hold, but we could definitely use your mad skills in the area of pop culture."

"Wouldn't exactly call them 'mad skills,' babe."

"Name the highest-grossing Disney animated film," Roxas said confidently.

Axel hedged. "Actually, there's a lot of debate as to whether it was _The Lion King _or _Beauty and the Beast_, but most-"

"Which Blink 182 album went platinum seven times in the US?" Roxas interjected smoothly.

"'Enema of the State,' duh."

"You're coming with us," Roxas said decisively, nodding sagely and pulling a vaguely-protesting Axel from his seat.

0o0

They'd been together for eight months and thirteen days when something changed in Axel – not that it seemed bad to Roxas, who relished the spontaneous kisses and welcomed cuddling after traveling home through the snow. He was holding Roxas closer when they kissed, and was beginning to show a larger amount of affection when they went out together with friends. Roxas thought it more of a pleasantly surprising development.

One night Axel went to go take a shower after dinner, leaving Roxas out in their living room watching tv with a beer in hand. Roxas was easily bored of television when he didn't have Axel's running commentary of different shows though, and was considering putting a game in when he heard the bathroom door shut, followed by Axel's bare feet padding across the hardwood floors.

"Hey," Axel said quietly, reaching around and taking the bottle of beer from Roxas' hand as he sat.

Roxas blinked and looked up, frowning when he saw the expression on the redhead's face. "What's wrong?"

Axel put the bottle on the table in front of them, curling his free hand against the back of the blond's neck. When he leaned in and kissed him soundly, Roxas almost wasn't prepared. But he certainly wasn't prepared when Axel started leaning back, pulling Roxas over him – or at least he tried, because Roxas froze in place and stared down at him, half leaning and grabbing the back of the couch for extra support.

"What are you doing?" Roxas asked, trying to keep his voice steady; he was trying not to think about how gorgeous Axel looked, his damp, brilliant red hair fanned out across the couch, green eyes wide and a slightly nervous expression on his face.

"I think that's pretty obvious," Axel responded.

"You've told me before you're not interested in sex, Axel. Where do you think this is going to lead?"

The redhead paused before responding, "Uh, sex?"

Roxas' frown deepened and he pulled away. "What's this about?" he asked seriously.

Axel looked away and raised himself to his elbows. "I'm depriving you. This relationship, it's not fair to you."

The blond shook his head. "We already discussed this, Axel. You're not depriving me, I respect your decision. Fairness has nothing to do with it."

"With anyone else," Axel started, "you could have sex as much as you want. I don't see how anyone would deny you and it's mind-boggling that you're still here, with the _one person_ who does."

"I love you," Roxas said, tone frustrated and level despite the swooping sensation in his stomach when he said it. "Sex or not. Sex is great, don't get me wrong – but it's not everything. I would much rather be close to someone like I am with you."

"Don't you dare fucking lie to me and tell me it isn't something you want. I remember how disappointed you were."

Roxas just barely stopped himself before he retorted angrily. "I'm going to be honest with you, Axel. Yes, at first I was a little disappointed – but not because you weren't going to let me fuck you, but because I wouldn't," Roxas bit his lip and sighed. "We wouldn't be able share that kind of intimacy. But the way we are now, you know, I really enjoy it and I think we have something here."

"I do too," Axel admitted. "But. I don't want to be the reason you deprive yourself of sex, if we decide to stay together."

"Axel-"

"I'm willing to do this," Axel interrupted him. "Because I – love you," he swallowed, breath shaky as though he was still nervous to admit such a thing. "And I have been thinking about what it would be like to be with you in that way."

Roxas' expression softened and leaned down, kissing him softly on the lips. "If that is what you want, then alright. Only do it for yourself, Axel – don't worry about me. And we're not going to do it now, so let's take a breather."

"We're not?" Axel asked, a little breathlessly.

Roxas shook his head. "We'll do it when you're really ready. We can start out slow, too." Then he began to pull away, but Axel held on to him.

"Wait," he muttered. His hand was clasped around Roxas' wrist, tightly enough that the blond could feel the tension through his body.

"Axel," Roxas said, looking between the hand on his wrist and the hollow expression on Axel's face. "What's wrong?"

"Do you want to know why?" Axel said, face blank and voice catching.

"Why what?"

"Why I can't . . . why we can't," he said dryly, swallowing thickly.

"Why you're hesitant about sex?" Roxas guessed gently, watching as Axel nodded. Axel suddenly looked much younger, whether it was the nervous quality to his voice or the widening of his eyes that made Roxas' heart skip. He had always wondered what had brought Axel to this point; did it have anything to do with the horrible first time he'd spoken of? Or was there some other source? "Ok," he nodded, and helped Axel into a sitting position. Once they were both comfortable he crossed his legs across the couch to listen.

Axel fidgeted for a moment, tapping his fingers together. "Alright. So. I grew up in a little suburb up Northeast. It was nice and quiet, no – ah, nothing bad ever happened, you know?"he looked up at Roxas for any sign of understanding, which Roxas gave. "All the bad shit happened in the city, people and kids getting shot or stabbed, robberies, all that. But not in my town. We were safe, I could go out and play in the street with my friends, Isa and Xion. Isa lived next door to me, and Xion . . . farther down," he said, clearing his throat. Xion and her mom moved into the neighborhood halfway through the school year, so Isa and I took it upon ourselves to keep an eye out for her. Isa didn't like her as much, so I knew her better. Now keep in mind, we were all about twelve."

Roxas nodded, noticing how Axel's throat worked around his words like it was incredibly difficult to say the words.

"So, ah, winter vacation comes around, we have a week and a half off. I went to Florida for a few days with my parents, but we were going to be back Wednesday night so I told Xion we'd go sledding Thursday. We came back and Thursday rolls around, but no Xion."

Axel's voice was so thick in those last few words that Roxas felt an icicle settle into the pit of his stomach. _Xion._ There was a set of initials tattooed on the back of Axel's neck, with one initial being _X._ Was it for her?

"So I went over to her house, to see where she was. I knocked on the door, no answer – but the door pushed in anyway, it was open. And Xion's mom _never _left the door unlocked, even if she was home. That made me worried. So I walked in. It . . . it was horrible."

"What happened?" Roxas asked, afraid of what he would say. He could feel the terror building in Axel's voice, and it scared the ever-living shit out of him.

Axel took a deep breath, huffing on the way out, steeling himself for the next words. "The smell hit me first," he said hollowly, and Roxas covered his mouth with his hand. "There was blood, everywhere. Xion's mom was on the couch, she'd been tied up and there was blood all over her. I couldn't breathe, I was old enough to know she'd probably been raped. I screamed for Xion, she didn't answer. I found her in the kitchen."

Roxas grasped his hand, squeezing his fingers. "It's ok, you don't have to say."

"They found the guy," Axel continued doggedly, squeezing his fingers back in a vice-like grip. "He was one of Xion's mom's friends. He even went to the wake. But so, he admitted it eventually, that he'd raped and murdered her mom, then Xion came down from her room and tried to get a knife for herself, but he got her too. The whole thing about this is that I couldn't imagine myself having sex after that – I _want_, and I know I'm gay and find you desirable, but there's a block there in my mind, a block I'm trying to get rid of. The, ah, the first time I had sex, it was four years later and I just couldn't do it. He had his dick in me and all I could think was that he was going to kill me and how much I didn't like it. I almost had a panic attack right then and there, I was so freaked out. And I don't want it to be like that with you."

"It won't," Roxas promised, enveloping Axel in a warm, comforting embrace.

They spent the rest of the night watching Top Chef, wrapped up in blankets and splayed out across the couch, with Axel half laying over Roxas as they critiqued and considered making certain dishes on the show. Axel's head was pillowed against Roxas' chest, giving the blond plenty of room to idly stroke his shoulder blades and card into his hair. That was the first time they'd slept together in all their nine months, and both found they rather liked it, even if it didn't involve anything more than a snuggle. (It was at this point that Axel discovered Roxas talked in his sleep, something about unicorns and 'hold on, I just need to grill these tenderloins' that Axel made fun of him for later, and that he came to the realization that Roxas was an opportunist when he woke up with his hair braided.)

Shortly thereafter Axel asked Roxas to join him for therapy sessions; now that Roxas was aware of what he'd seen and been through he was hoping to help in whatever way he could. As Axel's boyfriend his participation might help him progress, that much Roxas understood. Immediately he started to wonder just what Axel had told the therapist about him, because the man seemed ecstatic to meet him. There was some talk about helping Axel learn to test his boundaries with regards to sex, but Roxas remained adamant that he wasn't about to set expectations for the redhead to meet. And though all this the therapist seemed extremely pleased with the level of personal intimacy they shared for only being together slightly less than a year. Axel trusted him completely – Roxas knew this, but hearing him say it so plainly gave him an idea.

That night after one of their sessions, after imploring Axel to trust him and himself, Roxas pulled the redhead's boxers down and took his cock into his mouth. He held Axel's nervous gaze as he licked the shaft, his hands massaging soothingly over his thighs and torso. Then Roxas felt him start to harden in his mouth, and he couldn't take his eyes off of the surprised, ecstatic, and pleasured expressions that flitted across Axel's face, his jaw hanging limp as he moaned. The blond breathed in his deep, earthy scent and gave him everything he could, bringing Axel off not moments later. He didn't let him go until he felt Axel's hands relax in his hair and his body unwind. And even as Axel gasped for breath and pulled him up, his thin fingers touching Roxas' cheeks and lips as he whispered, "I never, never thought . . . you, never thought I'd be with some-"

"Shh," Roxas whispered. "You too," he said against Axel's lips.

Roxas didn't care how far they went or if they'd still be together in five or twenty years, but Axel's ghosts had set him free – and as far as he was concerned they couldn't be more perfect together.


End file.
